At every point in my life, i've always wanted to be a writer. When i was little, when i was 12, and now.  I'm going the more stable route and following my other dream and hopefully becoming a doctor instead. Yes, completely ends of the spectrum, I know.  But artists starve. and I don't have enough creative integrity to risk that. Soo, i'll just blog. blogging on the internet and wishfully thinking people actually give a shit about what I think is pretty close to starving...so there, i'm an artist, if not for now. 

These are my thoughts, unfiltered and unsensored. i'm making a vow to write it all here whenever i have down time...you will soon learn, that this is often. I keep a diary, but i don't have time to write every little thing i think. My diary has taken a back seat to blogging...

I'm alone in my apartment with my iTunes on shuffle. It smells like grilled cheese and I just got back from walking aimlessly around campus looking for something to eat, then deciding I was actually to cheap (and poor) to buy food. So now i'm eating Acme brand light vanilla yogurt..and i don't even like yogurt but i'll have to make it work. 

All around the world, you gotta spread the world

Well, i'm glad I had time to wander around campus and I'll tell you why.  Last night i was hanging out with this kid, who i really only met once last month, but i was that desperate to get out last night that i followed him to his woodshop class so that he could finish a project.  And sitting and staring while he worked turned out to be a lot less boring than it seems...because also working on his project was the cutset kid i've seen on campus thus far. I'm not gonna lie.. i would jump his bones.

Back to real time, while i was walking back to my place from campus Cute kid blows by on his bike..and you see no one goes down this way unless they are going to my apartment or the train station...
Please turn left, pleast turn left..

SCORE.

he turned left, and now i have this huge hope that i might see him around sometime.

But i won't let it consume me..

never.

It is 10:27 AM... As I was walking back to my place after my first class I witnessed someone run across the street well after a Septa bus began moving.  The bus stopped about three feet in front of him.  My initial reaction was "I knew there was a reason we go to college."  ...if not to get smarter and do smart things, then to committ suicide. Or to fail numerous times. Or to fail numerous times at committing suicide. 

Don't get me wrong, college is this wonderful environment filled with learning and growing and independence.  I have yet to experience any of those things, but I'm a freshman in the first month of my semester, so I still have hope for the future.  Anyway, I couldn't help but wonder about my relationship with suicidal bus boy.  Here we are in the same community that we chose to become a part of.  Here we are, accepted to the same school, (supposedly) under the same circumstances, and I can't help but wonder if maybe I am just like him.  How many times have I put myself in front of a moving vehicle? How many times have I made the wrong decision to just run in?  And how many times have I done something where anonymous bystanders looked on and thought "wow, what a dumbass"?  Who knows. 

It makes me wonder how many times I have been in the backdrop of someone's observational eye.  Like when you take pictures at Disney World and there are all these faces passing behind you, oblivious that they have just been captured on film.  How many times have I been an oblivious face?

Anyway, our souls are just a spec in the universe and time.